Invader Tim

this site takes a random name and verb and finds pictures of them with goooooooooogle. people doing stuff

and you know them. you love them. they are the letters "asdf." and you're not the only one who lazily bestows these left hand home keys as a name to files you don't give two shits about. asdf film fest

I know this is precisely the wrong time in the life cycle of buddy christ to show this, but I found it on Trace's profile.

That's one angry bunny, yo.



And at the risk of keeping things at least a little not anachronistic, some of you have asked who the guy in the Santa suit is on that scooter on my profile? It is I. And Trace is responsible for taking that footage too. Here is a clip. It's harder than you think to drive one of those things when you cant' see the handles thanks to a fake belly and beard. You heard me fake.
Santa Tim on the Reindeer Replacement.

Bonus: You drop the bomb on me.

I know it's 11th hour, but if you still need to get a tree, my friend Doug's brother's got a tree farm up in Rockton. I hear that the rockford tree supply is scarce. His trees are pure and uncut (though he will cut...and bail and shake), street value of about 30 bucks. He'll hook you up, Holmes.

Keith's Trees
4325 Favor Road • Rockton, Illinois • 815.968.5903

Well where do you keep yours?


This is my impression of Baltar from Battlestar Galactica*. Poor guy is always tetchy, teary eyed, and nervous and about to get killed. But he also gets to have a three way with Trice Hellfer and Lucy Lawless. Life has a way of evening out.

*Complete with student-film style blown out highlights and all that they have been driving into the ground in season 3.


Get out of my yard you damn kids!


Gimme that camera, Jive Turkey!


My nipples explode with lust.


First person to flip the camera off. ever


Some kind of 'Fu. Not particularly good for self defense.


The Tiki Gods must be appeased.


Muhalo! Tiki Gods!


And now for the photographer herself catching up on some reading.

I've been a rockford proponent. As many people (often justifiably) attack the forest city, I am a rockford apologist. In particular, I have been a downtown cheerleader even before I lived here. But I'm tempted to cut and run.

You know how people make claims like "If Dubya gets reelected, I'm moving to Canada?"

Here's my breaking point.

New American Theater: closed.

That means Rockford is officially unlivable. I don't care if you liked it or not, the idea of a downtown of a biggish city not having something like it is stupid.

I'm gone.

Enjoy your tractor pulls, you drooling, dirt necks. You win. May I suggest closing down your beleaguered school system all together and opening more restaurants? Food service is all the next gen. of illiterate citizens can handle anyway. And it's already all there is to do in this city: consume. Consume and migrate east, and prefer former cornfields to downtown. Prefer gentrification to culture. Prefer "Sports Bars" (whatever the hell that actually is) to a good watering hole. The Sports bars are resembling asteroids: They all are unremarkable and look alike, and we discover more and more of them -- so many that we stopped giving them recognizable names and just start calling them things like "stellar body m-987-5." But instead I guess the naming formula would be "vague ethnic sounding name + modifier that suggests drinking + sports term with the words Bar and Grill appended on." Drinkagin McTouchdown's. yay.

In this position, the temptation is to flee north of the area you are unhappy with. But that wouldn't be Canada--I'm not unhappy with America (not enough anyway). I'm unhappy with Rockford, and the Park-insas are not an option. I know misguided souls who go to the 'burbs because they think rockford is lacking, but that takes win, place, and show in the "Deluded dumb-ass derby." Houses that all look alike and a White Hen Pantry don't cut it.

But somewhere.

I always held in contempt the people who blamed Rockford (or any city) for their lot in life. But now I dunno. I'm not so sure now.

This angry rant...well, I'm not mad, just disappointed. Every city has its suck. But why must Rockford demonstrate with such brutal detail the Frost poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay?" Gold. Right. What's the one under silver? I'd settle for that.

My rant is stilted, exaggerated, inflammatory, and inarticulate...just how I get when I am angry...so maybe not just disappointed. Disappointment is for victims, anger is the other thing. More proactive. More on that later.


It would increase the rhetorical impact if I didn't clarify that I'm not actually moving, but there's enough confusion right now.

If you're into the 700 club and don't have a sense of humor, this post might not be your guy. For the most part, even my religious friends will find this amusing. They may think some of it exquisite bullshit, but life is a game of give and take.

Come and knock on my door (or don't):



It makes a beautiful sense (well as much as that other thing):


That's gross! I hope kids don't read that thing:


It's easy if you try:


and the less silly...

It's not that I care much, but not none:


Proud to be a amoral fool infidel pig dog type:



and in the interest of equal time:
The Way of the Master