Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Defend Your Existence.

Nobody minds if I say a few words about causes célèbres, do they?
When did every little choice you make have to be defended, every action a definitive moment, every step a potentially decisive blow that may make you one of them instead of us? Engaging in any action makes you a poster child for said action automatically—an ardent, devout worshiper. What up with that?
Fer instance. I watch the carbs. It works for me pretty much. I’ve lost weight; I don’t get heartburn anymore, and I generally feel better. But every time someone finds out I’m not eating pounds of pasta, or bread, people freak. Ultimately, why do you care what I eat? Do you have some Corsican twin like ability to taste what I taste?
You can almost watch the imaginary podium spring from the floor, as they expect me to bitterly retaliate with a slew of facts about—I don’t know—meat or some shit. It’s not enough that I’ve always been fond of meat, and the other low fat stuff didn’t seem to be working. Note the word “Seem.” I don’t have a double blind study. Hell, it could all be psychosomatic. Who cares? It’s still working.
So here comes the litany of facts I don’t want to hear—again, then the “everybody knows” arguments come flying. So yes, everybody knows that if you eat meat your kidneys will explode, your cholesterol will elevate through the roof and you will die. Just like Dr. Atkins himself. If he wouldn’t have suffered sever head trauma, he would have had a heart attack for sure. Yes, Mr. or Mrs. fat Midwesterner, please tell me how everyone knows the low carb doesn’t’ work. I am way more inclined to believe your sagacious almost high-school-level education vs. New England journal of medicine . Just like everyone knows the water in the northern hemisphere goes one-way down a drain, and the southern hemisphere is the opposite way. By the way, I grow more and more tired of shit everybody knows. Ok, so KNOW it. Great. What type of Dysfunction compels you to recite facts whether people want to hear them or not? It’s a type of Tourette's isn’t it?
So, sorry if I sound a bit defensive, or bristly. I have to point out that I do not share a converse care in what you eat. You want to Carb load, be my guest. I’m not even gonna come back with a rejoinder about some potential negative side effect of eating too many carbs. I don’t care. See a trend? I wish you no malice, no matter what you eat. No rage. I may find the irony in you telling me I’m going to die from malnutrition as you stuff a Twinkie down your gullet, but I’m a fan of irony—see no malice. Just kind of an appreciation of the cosmic situation.
Can you see the distance between deciding to stop drinking soda, and writing a manifesto against flour? I also don’t have pamphlets or any propaganda. Even though I’m doing Atkins, I’m not even saying it’s right, or better. It’s working for me…but as I said before, I don’t have hard data. Why would I? I spend my free time, I don’t know, masturbating.
Ok so if random passers by were gushing facts about carbohydrates out of love, genuine fear for my health…that’s ok. Actually kind of sweet. But it comes from the moral, or intellectual high road. Or just good old-fashioned superiority. I read the book. I gave it a try. I like it. Why do you care if I don’t want to eat the bun on my Cheeseburger? Why, god, Why?
Give me a damn break. I just want to eat in peace, without explaining myself to you—I don’t owe you anything. Just leave me alone.
Besides, I’m too tired from having to defend my choices in regards to using the Mac instead of PC, being an Atheist in a Puritanical zealot factory of a town, disliking music I’m supposed to hold in reverence—Bob Dylan for instance, being a male who hates sports (and Sports Bars), thinking that real work is more valuable than tidying my work area, and oh, hell the list goes on, but that’s another entry. You know screw this low carb thing. It’s too hard to hide from people. I’ll just take “Requiem for a Dream” size doses of diet pills.

Comments:
oh I thump the Bible as much as a healthy, single male can. oh wait...What?
 
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