Invader Tim

You know what ego surfing is right? You type your name into Google (or other search engines if there are any still around out there), and see the results. I heard of it, but never have done it. Recently, however, I have started a web page that serves as a gallery, and eventually an online store. Perhaps I’ve mentioned it here—timstotz.com. I have? I thought so.
Well search engine ranking is kind of important. So the results were kind of fun…first off timstotz.com is still not even ranked. I’ve submitted it to Google and everything.
The top result (as of this post) was for a guy named…whoa! That was a close one! I almost inflated his search ranking by using his name. Ok, so let’s use a code. It’ll be our secret. Just like the time I told you about setting the drapes on fire—oh I didn’t yet? So, getting on with it. No enigma machine required, just read every OTHER letter. So, fer instance, the word “fucktard” would be “fqucqkqtqaqrqd.”
Anyway, so the first guy is Tqiwm Lqoqwqlqy. He’s not a Stotz, but he mentions a Tim Stotz, and yet another Tim with an entirely different surname. He too is an art guy it appears. Rubbish! Direct competition in the same field!
There’s even a TqiqmqoqtqhqyqSqtqoqtqz.com.” (ranked third) Eerily similar to mine, and dig this happy horseshit: he’s an artsy-fartsy type too! The ONLY saving grace is that My first name has two Ms in it. Timmothy Stotz.
There’s also a French Surrealist Painter with my name… J' Accuse! Or Zut, alors! Or some shit.
So are all Tims art-types? No! Some are my polar opposite! Many Tims are high school sports people. Yick. Some have marriages listed in religious magazines. Marriage. Religion. Damn, other Tim! What gives?
A Tim or two seem to be CPAs (kill me now); some are teachers (not too bad, but it makes me feel depressed because I didn’t complete my teaching certificate in college, so I hate him too!) BTW: those weren’t Stotzes. They were Tims who had a Stotz—not named Tim—in the same article. There is also a Tim somehow connected with Handcuffs No pun. I think he sells them. Not me. I swear.
But take heart, gentle reader. Some Tims are I.
First mention of me: I’m in the Rock River Film Fest program for the “Ultra Extra Plus 2.” A short film the boys at Engine Studio and I put together.
Second mention: The Good Folks at aegisstudios.net mention me on their page ‘cause I’m involved with their upcoming movie, “Necromance.”
Third Mention: (This one kind of gave me the Heejah Beebies) I’m listed in the WRCR Staff Page. WRCR was the old Rockford College Radio Station. I didn’t see that one coming. That was weird. Thanks for asking my permission to post my name all over the net. Sheesh! It’s not like they could have possibly known I was a self-obsessed glory hound.
Ok, back to the site, back the fame, and back to the baby steps mentioned in the topic.
I want timstotz.com to be good. The little site that could. But really, screw all that! I want it to be ranked high! Now! I don’t know what my childhood trauma is, but I really want—well—to be listed at all, but also to be listed high!
So you see, my first step is not to be the most famous guy ever, but to be the most Famous Tim Stotz ever.
Then I want to be a fireman. Or an astronaut.