Invader Tim

You’ve heard that masturbation makes you go blind, right? Everyone always thought that it was just a thing to tell young un’s to scare him or her from acting “improper” or something. My family never employed this line of thought because I guess they figured I wasn’t that dumb. I mean, come on: physiologically, that dog don’t hunt.
It’s not like they went the Jocelyn Elders route, of course. But some families spread the FUD (Fear Uncertainty Doubt) about pulling your pud. I guess because every time you masturbate, Baby Jesus kills a kitten or something. I don’t know, but it’s wrong to some people, and you’re not supposed to do it.
Well, masturbation still may not make you go blind, but now Viagra does! So, not exactly the same thing, but close enough. You know I’m a little tired of irony-overload but I think there’s a Sophocles style joke in there.
I’m so not gonna make that one face ‘cause you know, it might freeze that way or some shit.