Invader Tim

Thanks, to Final Cut, AfterFX, GoLive, or whatever, sometimes I have to stop working because my computer is busy chomping away at rendering or uploading next generation media and shit. Yep, I’m getting what my good buddy Kevin calls “the blue bar tan.” This is frustrating, but good in that I can take naps, fix food, grab a quickie, or possibly even upload a little blog for youse.

Now that’s truth in advertising.

Or at least working a niche market.

Every now and then I pick up Script magazine, or I think it’s technically Scr(i)pt (precious, no?). There are some cool articles (and since there are seldom nekkit people in it, that’s really all I read it for). Nestled in between these articles are tons of ads. You got several promising to make you a great writer, several agents that will get you read (who knew it was that easy?), these guys mugging it up who will make you funny, and all these other lies…right out of the Hollywood dream factory.

But one green shiny truth that I thought was interesting was an ad selling absinthe.

Now, in your specialty mags, you usually get very specific, niche adds. Like in my computer geek mags, you don’t see Bacardi ads; you see ads for firewire, not fire water. (HEEE!) In hardcore sex mags, you don’t see ads for anything but hardcore sex stuff…so I hear. And likewise, you only see those hucksters who will get you an agent, and make you a staaaaaahr baby! in Script magazine.

So how would someone frame an Absinthe ad in a writing mag?

You start by an out of context Oscar Wilde quote:

“A glass of Absinthe is as poetical as anything in the world. What difference is there between a glass of Absinthe and a sunset Dude, my hand…it’s so big, and it makes trails…and I think I’m a little gay.” NOTE: Italics added for emphasis and making the big funny happen.

As fatuous as the Wilde quote—or at least its usage is—the copy generated by the company itself is even more of a chortler.
“Our Absinthe is known for promoting a lucid, reflective and creative state of mind in those who drink it.
It is made using the same original French recipe adored by some of the world’s most notorious artists and writers including can Gogh, Picasso, Hemingway and Bob Dylan.”

This is so wrong on so many levels. I mean, I love me my drinking, and I like Absinthe, I even tried to get some for the progrum party, but to sell the stuff as an idea generator for the hacks, uncreative, and the washed up…well. That’s how abc after school specials are made.

This reminds me of “come to flavor country” or I guess, “come to creative country” only worse. It reminds me of old Lucky strike ads that claim there were health benefits to smoking.

And come on, have you ever been sober around someone totally drunk or stoned? They may think they are witty and charming, but they just repeat themselves and are boring and awkward.

If you aren’t creative without the stuff, you won’t be creative with the stuff. Natural fact.

But if you want to order some—they guarantee shipping even though it’s the original recipe and it’s illegal in this country go to absinthescript.com.

Ok, render is done…on to the next thing.