Friday, March 10, 2006
A Door to the Soul
In my ranty, cynical, angry blogs, I can come off as ranty, cynical, and angry. That’s a part of me, no foolin’. But, I’m, for the most part, polite, and well healed. Angry guy is in there, peeking through the bars of civility. But, I don’t let him out too often.
It’s weird how politeness and society interact. There are things society tells us to do, in order to be polite, and things we are not supposed to do. Vague?
Flash forward to a guy staring at me incredulously—a child like confusion, and bit of unwariness.
Why was he looking at me like that?
Well, I was holding a door for him; as I walked out of the Stop ‘n’ Go, he was entering.
There is an unwritten law that dudes don’t hold the door for dudes, unless they are heavily laden. He didn’t have an armful of firewood, or a big tank of acetylene, or cinder blocks. So maybe that was it. Maybe he was all, ‘Huh. This guy seems nice, but why is he holding the door for me?’ Is he queer, or something?
He was also a black guy. We live in progressive times, but maybe he was unwary of a honky like me. Or maybe a bit indignant. ‘Yeah, getting the door for me pretty much washes away the hundreds of years of oppression. We’re even-Steven now.”
There’s also the possibility of the distance-gap. There is complex math here. If people are right by the door, to the point you pretty near have to slam it in their faces, you have almost no choice but to hold the door (or be a real dick). It’s as much a physics thing as it is a politeness thing. I mean, you’d almost have to ask them to step back away from the door so you could close the door. But, then there is the other side of the coin. If they’re far enough away…awkward. How long do you hold a door? It gets to the point your politeness almost forces them to break into a trot lest they look rude, and leave you stand there like doorman is your job. The guy I held the door for was pretty far away, but not ‘trot’ far away.
Then there was the real thing. The real reason. I was demanding this guy become a subversive. For you see, I was holding the EXIT door for him to enter. And though not illegal, it is still a rule I was not only inviting him to break, but insisting he break. Not to break the rule, would have been impolite on his part. It was peer pressure in the purest form. To him, my congenial grin must have devolved into a devilish sneer, daring him not to be a pussy and use the exit to enter.
Sorry, about that, guy. Social engineering isn’t always a keen insight into culture, but just happens to dumb people like I am.
It’s weird how politeness and society interact. There are things society tells us to do, in order to be polite, and things we are not supposed to do. Vague?
Flash forward to a guy staring at me incredulously—a child like confusion, and bit of unwariness.
Why was he looking at me like that?
Well, I was holding a door for him; as I walked out of the Stop ‘n’ Go, he was entering.
There is an unwritten law that dudes don’t hold the door for dudes, unless they are heavily laden. He didn’t have an armful of firewood, or a big tank of acetylene, or cinder blocks. So maybe that was it. Maybe he was all, ‘Huh. This guy seems nice, but why is he holding the door for me?’ Is he queer, or something?
He was also a black guy. We live in progressive times, but maybe he was unwary of a honky like me. Or maybe a bit indignant. ‘Yeah, getting the door for me pretty much washes away the hundreds of years of oppression. We’re even-Steven now.”
There’s also the possibility of the distance-gap. There is complex math here. If people are right by the door, to the point you pretty near have to slam it in their faces, you have almost no choice but to hold the door (or be a real dick). It’s as much a physics thing as it is a politeness thing. I mean, you’d almost have to ask them to step back away from the door so you could close the door. But, then there is the other side of the coin. If they’re far enough away…awkward. How long do you hold a door? It gets to the point your politeness almost forces them to break into a trot lest they look rude, and leave you stand there like doorman is your job. The guy I held the door for was pretty far away, but not ‘trot’ far away.
Then there was the real thing. The real reason. I was demanding this guy become a subversive. For you see, I was holding the EXIT door for him to enter. And though not illegal, it is still a rule I was not only inviting him to break, but insisting he break. Not to break the rule, would have been impolite on his part. It was peer pressure in the purest form. To him, my congenial grin must have devolved into a devilish sneer, daring him not to be a pussy and use the exit to enter.
Sorry, about that, guy. Social engineering isn’t always a keen insight into culture, but just happens to dumb people like I am.
// posted by Tim @ 2:05 PM 
