Invader Tim

There's a new one over there at the Podcast page. If you don't know the drill by now, use the scroll bar, monkeys. There’s all the ‘cast info you can stand.

Now you can subscribe to the ‘cast right from iTunes four point niner. It’s for both PC and Mac. By now, maybehaps you know the drill.: just paste my feed link into your feed link pasting place: http://feeds.feedburner.com/timstotzspodcast

There are still some good stand-alone apps for downloading the Podcast still if you want to use them.

The official Podcast will be coming soon, stupid-heads. My original intention was to shoot the official ‘cast out every Tuesday, but with the aggravating, hectic lifestyle thing I got going, it will be more like every whenever-the-hell-I-can-get-around-to-it-day. Hey, why so glum? I’m not going to shirk the duties, just keep the schedule a little more fluid like. Rest assured, you Stotz-addicted monkeys, you’ll have your ear full by 4 July 05.
The table of contents is shaping up to be this: Interview with Travis from Aegis Studios | Interview with Art guy, Bo | and hijinx, Guerilla Art Thing themed, and Non-

Also, you may have noticed the hype around Jane the Dinosaur. Well, the exhibit opens June 29. You should go check it out. Why?

1. It’s a huge find! an incredibly complete Dinosaur Skeleton.
   
2. Remember when you were a kid? You loved Dinosaurs. Well go see a real one.
   
3. Ok Dinosaurs are cool. Skeletons are cool. So, by definition a dinosaur skeleton is like way cool.
   
4. You can fit in a great pop culture reference to George Jettson’s wife, Jane. Then you’ll also have the irony thing going because Jane (the Dino) is from the past and Jane (the Jettson) is from the future. It’ll be like the frickin' Algonquin Round Table all up in there.
   
5. If the above is too high brow for you, there’s the obvious gag where you sing “Jane’s World, Party Time, Excellent!” and play air guitar.
   
6. Jane comes from a place called “Hell Creek” so she’ll probably keep her snotty opinions about Rockford sucking to herself.
   
7. Jane is even more skinny than super clebs like Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie.
   
   

I’ll see you there.
For those of you going out of town, have a good 4th of July. For those international viewers who don’t celebrate Independence Day, I encourage you to enjoy that day too.

Don't forget about the Guerilla Art Thing in front of Octane on the North Main Mall on Sunday.
I should be recording another Podcast, so be sure to check that out.
Also, rumor has it that the new iTunes (4.9) will be out really soon, and you can plug my feed right into the aggregator.
Also, Bo got a Forum Space
Going for the Guerilla thing. Check it out. See you there.

Before I go, a word about rib meat.

I frequently buy a big bag o’ frozen chicken breasts. They’re quick and tasty and they George Foreman up real good.
Here’s what I don’t get. On the bag it says, “With Rib Meat.”
Now is that ‘YAY! Rib Meat!’ or ‘I think we should admit that this product has rib meat. Sorry about that.’ or what?
I mean is it a good thing or a bad thing? Should I be as grossed out as when I bought those mondo generic hamburgers that had beef hearts in the mix?
I think I’ll use “rib meat” as a term of affection, as a replacement for like “sweetheart” or something. Maybe instead of that, I’ll use in the “Hail! Hail! Fellow well met” sense like in lieu of Dude, or Chief. Think that’ll fly?

A few posts back I mentioned holiday weekend roadblocks that were out there for the express purpose to hand out minor traffic violations willy as well as nilly, and how out of perspective it seemed for the local constabulary to post the results victoriously when we had TEN murders so far. I suggested that maybe they should focus elsewhere. Well, a guy who was shot about three weeks ago passed on, so now we’re up to ELEVEN MURDERS. The year is not half over. And they say Rockford has no getters of go.
But once again, let’s not talk of anything as prosaic as the premature ripping of a human life from the surly bonds of this city ranked 300 out of 300 by Money magazine. Let’s talk ‘bout moral turp’tude. That’s right, I’m talking about the fact that our lord (the christ, the lamb emmanuelle, the sky-bully who kills your first born if you don’t do creepy whacked out shit like put the blood of gyro meat on your door) don’t want you paying to get you a blowjob. No friends and imperfect sinners, every time you solicit a hummer from a horrible impious, unclean woman, baby jesus cries. Do you want baby jesus to cry?
Well we’ve got an alderman (isn’t that the planet Princess Leia is from?) in Rockford who don’t want the baby jesus to shed a tear, and if you do get yourself some ill begotten hummer from a modern day jezebel, you sir (or madam, I guess) will get your picture on a web site that serves a rouges gallery of shameful seekers of paid for helmet buffin’.
The theory goes: the pervert who wants…sex…ew…people actually want that?…will be humiliated, and never do it again. Or in extreme cases will be shunned like some pariah and stoned to death by the loving, kindly, non-blowjob getting, god fearing, alter boy abusing public.
So let’s hit this piñata and see what logical goofiness comes out.
Item one: I don’t want to pay tax dollars for this. So, you code monkeys looking for an easy city job, forget about it. Not much more needs to be said about that. Rockford is in too much debt already. What budget meeting will that line item come across?
Then, let’s address the shame thing real quick? Might some of these skeezes be shameless, and maybe even wear this web site guest star role as a badge of bizzaro world honor?
In this out of whack idea’s defense, it’s not without precedent. Chicago’s doing it apparently. So that makes it ok right? Here’s the main thing wrong with Chicago’s approach: they post the picture at time of arrest. They don’t wait until you’re convicted, or actually proven, you know, guilty. Let’s ruin these people’s lives before we know they’re, you know, ruinable.
The point of this site is to shame the john. (Ooo, I feel like I’m in a Mike Hammer novel using lingo like that, but that’s what the media have been calling them here.) But what shell of rubbernecking, holier than though, sad sack of humanity will ever see it? Think about it. Where in the normal course of daily activity will this media be inserted into people’s lives? It’s not like you can’t live your lives without it, like maybe a weather report. I imagine the people who really care, aren’t technological super heroes; they may not be able to get on the net at all (their favorite piece of media is over 2,000 years old I’d wager). Is the news going to keep referring to the site on slow news day? So it won’t shame the john’s too often if no normal person goes to the site of shame. But normal people won’t.
I’ve been watching a few of those crime TV shows, (not like CSI or anything boring like that; check out the Inside on Fox) so let me try a profile: this site will be visited by the same people who take pictures of abortion clinic doctors and post them on the site and ask their visitors to protest or even do violent, wrathful things. Many of the site’s visitors will be single, early 40s, have a superiority complex—a god complex if you will, an inability to connect with people, and the rest of the typical serial killer fare.
So is it really shame that is the threat here, or that wing nut fundamentalists will visit upon the sinners the wrath of his fiery sword of ironic mercy, thus being executioner to these guys?
So, that’s the part about the site directly, now let’s talk about the allegedly dirty deed. I am not that progressive of a guy, but I don’t get why it’s illegal at all. Shock! Horror! Blah blah. If the act itself were illegal, that may be different. Murder is wrong. So if you paid someone to murder you, that’s wrong…in a paid for way.
I think it’s fucked up that there are things considered toweringly, fantastically illegal in one are of the US of A that are legal in other parts of our country. That’s right, not just the world, but our own country. It’s so double standard, and unleveled, and wrong in general. If you need to pay for a blowjob, all you gotta do is hop a plane to Nevada. It’s perfectly legal there. I don’t get it. Make it illegal there, or repeal the laws here. I don’t like when right or wrong is dependant on geography, especially in my own country’s borders.
I’m not making judgment calls on how morally wrong it actually is, or what it does to women, nor am I taking up the misogynist side by saying “all blowjobs are paid for, relatively speaking.” I’m just talking about the law. I think the main reason you shouldn’t pay the Rockford street walkers is that they are butt ugly, and pretty likely disease carrying. I also think that if it were legalized, the disease aspect could be controlled more…but like I said, this is more about the law, and why it exists here and not in Nevada. I mean look how hot some people are to get a gambling boat in the Rock River. And not just in Rockford; these damn boats are everywhere. It is for the most part wrong to say gambling’s illegal here. Is this a progressive way to get a prostitution boat going? Let’s not forget Native American reservations. Are prostitution reservations coming? I did a commercial for some outfit that hosts Charitable Games. It was sleazy, and there plenty of tragic wastes of humanity present. I wandered through the emaciated, skeletal old timers with improbable beer guts, or furrowed brow, angry red necks who were taking themselves way too seriously. I carried a big ass camera and looked a bit less glazed over and soul-dead than the rest of the room, so they thought I was a guy who knew something. I must have been asked a dozen times what charity the proceeds of this lovely proceeding went too. No one I talked to knew. So, hmmm, sham excuse to gamble? I do know that many of these charitable causes are church related—especially bingo. I thought jesus kicked those people out of the temple. Maybe soon there will be Charitable Prostitution instead of just Charitable Games.
The funny thing is that if you gambled in a hotel room right next to that depressing “ballroom” type place where the charitable games were going on in the same building, you’d break the law! “Halt right there! You’re 10 yards from the place where you can gamble for baby jesus. We only allow the baby jesus gambling in this town!”
I went to a poker night and played with my friends for pennies, or when we really got crazy, for dimes. It was not on a boat; I suppose I broke a law. I gotta tell you as far as illegal, no-holds-barred thrill rides go, that poker night didn’t rate to high. I didn’t feel any heady outlaw fringe rush. So, thanks to admitting that gambling, will there be a web site with my mug on it? I mean besides the couple of outlets that my picture already inundates.
Is this a trend? Will other lawbreakers be net stars? How about all those roadblock arrests? I wonder if I’ll see those non seat belt people hang their heads in shame. That’ll learn them.
I guess in the spirit of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” I should start a site that posts pictures of Johns who are proud of having legal encounters with prostitutes in Nevada, Canada, Amsterdam, etc. Nah, that’s not much less creepy than the other site will be.

This Sunday, we’re heading downtown again, with some sketchpads, a few instruments (or percussive monkeys), possibly some recording equipment, and a little civil disobedience in our hearts.
The locale: The north main mall where north main would be (and might be again) straddling East State Street. We met in front of Octane, but that was mainly because of the shade. The North Main Mall is big. Big enough that if the group split up into warring factions we could comfortably have our own territories. So be ready to learn gang signs and colors and shit.

You should join. Officially it goes from about 12 to about 5. Or 1 to 5. It’s a public place so show up when the hell you feel like it.

Till then: Yatta!

I got a letter from the government that told me to expect a census bureau survey in the next few days.
Then I got a letter that told me that the government was disappointed in me because it had not received my survey yet.
This is progress. This is the future. You’re looking at a total and systematic streamline of the governmental, bureaucratic process. They took a 3-step process and turned into a 2-step process. Yes, some would argue that it was an important part of the process, the actual sending me the form, but I applaud the government.

Today I got another stern letter, and another form to fill out. Where I had hitherto only suspected, I now know thanks to the form that I am a poor white boy.

I did this whole thing where I called a secret number and I updated my Podcast. The recording wasn’t studio quality, but it worked. Now I’m as cool as Will Wheaton. Yep, that’s raising the bar high.

Hmmm, You’ve heard of drunk dialing your friends, now I can drunk dial my Podcast. New and brave ways to make a total ass of myself. Cool.

Podcasting is in its infancy, but so’s my Podcast so it all actually works out.

Dig it. If one were to go to my Podcast blog, you’d get to hear me instead of having to read me. Hooray.

And if you have what’s called an aggregator, you can enter this feed into it: http://feeds.feedburner.com/timstotzspodcast

An aggregator is a grain handling implement program that you can use to retrieve feeds from some of the more than already 65,000 Podcasts out there.

If you don’t want to deal with all that, don’t worry. The new iTunes (4.9) will have a built in one that will work fine.

There are so many Podcasts out there now, and there is something for every one. It reminds me of radio on demand. You can get news (ABC has exploded with the Podcasting), entertainment (a celebrity you like—besides me—has a Podcast out), and all kinds of wacky stuff. find a list here.

The Podcasting thing was started (at least in part) by Adam Curry…yeah the big hair guy from Mtv. I thought it had to be a lie, or an overstatement, like Al Gore inventing the Internet. Or maybe an urban legend like the kid from the life cereal commercial died from a poprocks and coke mixing experiment. But nope it’s true.

It’s all so hip and trendy and of the moment, and I have me the starting of a Podcast.

See, here’s the thing though. It’s not really all about me. (gasp) This is all just a proving ground for trying out this new technology. I have a couple other applications for this in the works. Here’s a hint about one of them: _________, stop this crazy thing!

P.S. yes, my first entry into the world of Podcasting is actually kind of underwhelming, and makes me sound mildly retarded. (At the end of the day any thing that makes me seem mildly retarded as opposed to full on yellow bus is ok with me.) but more to come my Stotz-addicted monkeys

This annoys me. I don’t know who’s behind it, but it is a sign that the inmates are running the asylum.

After Memorial Day, Prom weekend, and other holidays, the news folks always display the results of the proud accomplishments of the state line’s finest. You see, they gave away like 4 seat belt tickets, and a couple no insurance tickets, and a few speeding tickets. All of this thanks to roadblocks. Yeah, they don’t go look for crime, they wait for it to come to them. Yippee fucking skip. Who cares about those statistics?

Is it right to speed? No. Should you wear your seat belt? Yes. But people who don’t wear their seatbelts will still not wear their seatbelts after the tickets. People who speed will continue to speed.

And these precious roadblocks didn’t stop the two drag racers from committing vehicular manslaughter a couple weeks ago on Riverside.

And those roadblocks did nothing to stop the 10 murders we’ve had in our city already this year. If you want to talk statistics, let’s talk statistics.

10 murderers! We’re a tiny city. I can walk across the whole downtown in no time and I’m lazy! 10 Murders. And those are just the successful murders. There’s a hell of a lot more violence and theft in general in this town.

Why are the police annoying and fining otherwise decent people who commit these minor offences? Take the cops off of the roadblock duty and have them concentrate on the fact that we’re the crime capitol of Il, or that our homicide rate keeps going up.

If they took those checkpoints away, wild anarchy would not sweep through the streets. I can’t imagine why they have focused on screwing with normal people instead of actually getting in there and deterring criminals.

They make the proclamation that police will be cracking down on seat belts. Great! Do that…after we’re not the crime capitol and murder capitol of IL.

I’ve met a lot of cops downtown, and every one of them seems like a good person. I don’t want to put words in their mouths, but I think they may like a little more support with actual crime. And the police actually manning the roadblocks have to be thinking, “What the heck am I doing here? I could be actually helping.”

You’ve heard that masturbation makes you go blind, right? Everyone always thought that it was just a thing to tell young un’s to scare him or her from acting “improper” or something. My family never employed this line of thought because I guess they figured I wasn’t that dumb. I mean, come on: physiologically, that dog don’t hunt.
It’s not like they went the Jocelyn Elders route, of course. But some families spread the FUD (Fear Uncertainty Doubt) about pulling your pud. I guess because every time you masturbate, Baby Jesus kills a kitten or something. I don’t know, but it’s wrong to some people, and you’re not supposed to do it.
Well, masturbation still may not make you go blind, but now Viagra does! So, not exactly the same thing, but close enough. You know I’m a little tired of irony-overload but I think there’s a Sophocles style joke in there.
I’m so not gonna make that one face ‘cause you know, it might freeze that way or some shit.