Invader Tim

Ok, Sunday, you must attend the Guerilla Art Thing (Black Tie Optional, but encouraged).

It’s right in front of Octane on the South Main Mall. See you there. 1 - 5.

This guy invented Ctrl-alt-del, but Bill Gates made it famous.

The Shuttle launch was today. There a lot of people who may not care about that, and that’s your prerogative, but I gotta tell you that’s what this article is about, so I won’t blame if you want to tune out. Don’t worry. More well crafted poop jokes to come in future installments.
When I think of the shuttle and the space program in general, in the back of my mind, I am aware of the terrestrial people they could feed with its operational budget, and that Busch has perhaps tried to use the space program as a diversionary tactic and to rekindle a malaise-infected, flagging American Morale. “Yeah, there’s a war we’re failing at miserably, but loookee over here, we’re going to the moon…for some apparent reason.”
I’m not gonna deny that, or overly assert the fact that tons of enriching, empowering technology has trickled down to our hands from the Space Program. (Think Tang!)
I’m just going to say, “Wow.”
If you got to see the launch today, it was breathtaking. And amazing. Which it always has been, but they’ve gotten better cameras to capture it, including one mounted to the shuttle’s external fuel tank, that’s more for functional and for safety reasons, but still gave a cool-ass view.
The launch was more impressive this time too because of what went before. Even the least pop-culture savvy among us knows that there was a horrible disaster last time. And that had to be on everyone’s mind…except the crew. They seemed to have an attitude like, “Yeah, there’s danger here…can we get tang in a flavor besides orange?” Of course they were concerned, but they were more concerned about the mission, and the overt coolness.
Let me tell you something you might not know. The lead commander is a woman. And that’s news, but not big news. I’m not saying that there is no glass ceiling, or that everything is equal, but the fact that we just accept that the woman commander is there doing it to it, just like everyone else…that speaks to the culture of our society…especially the fact that she’s heading a government organization. A quasi-military organization. Rock.
So, I’m keeping my eyes to the skies, and puling for those shuttle guys. I’m wondering if the people in the space station are going to tip well after the shuttle delivers all of that food.
And, remember, they still have to get down from there.

He’s been my friend and running buddy for a long time. And if he was our 14th president, he would actually be named Franklin Pierce and be many years into a terrifying unlife, walking the Earth unkillable. But he’s not, so yay him!

SSG, or Jason /JAY • son/ as some call him, and I have worked on a lot of projects, and he always brings great stuff to the table. Unike me though, he doesn’t generally care for in front of the camera work, but he has done it…you’ve probably even seen it; you just don’t know it. I was going to do a “Where’s Jason” game, but there are only a few pics that come to mind where he’s hiding in plain site.


The Tomorrow Is Yesterday Commercial. He’s the cloaked guy who’s fighting me with a light saber. Shh! It’s all pretend.


That’s him being a monkey. Me being a pirate (Yep I’m illegally downloading mp3s. And I’m dressed kind of funny too.)


It’s xmas in July, and I’m on an electric scooter just like in the Dutch version of the tale of St. Nick. Can you spot Jay? Yep that’s him in the lower pic. He’s the Valvoline sign. Good job, Steve Austin!


Here’s me selling a fictitious product called the Ultra Extra Plus 2 and there’s good ol’ Jay, doing—Holy Shit! Don’t look now but he is Franklin Pierce! Whoo! I don’t know about you, but that scares the naughty water out of me!

This relatively controversy-free post is brought to you by the letter T.



Go buy the doggie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


If you can't embrace this happy message, then you need a...

I’ve only been on myspace for a while now, and I see some trends.

Either folks are too quick to toot their own intellectual horns, or they like to let you know within the space of a paragraph just how deep and complex and arty they are. Or—and here’s one I don’t get—they want you to know how aloof and misanthropic and antisocial they are. You don’t have to be a fan of irony to see the fault here. They want everybody to care that they don’t care what people care about, especially if that thing they care about is they. Rock.

The other side of the coin is that whole ignorance is bliss taken to the Nth degree thing. People seem to equate the formula dumb = cool.

Similarly, if you’re boring, random, or you suck, you don’t have to tell us; we’ll get that.

I dun no what a fuckign blog is neway. But, I’ll write sunthin for all you all. Yeah, I no it’ll suck, but I don’t care beeyatch. It’s me n f u dun like it, I dun care, foo. It’s a ranum sampul of me and what I do. If you dun like it eat shit.

I can only imagine that some of you have one of those pendulum drinking birds hitting your caps lock keys while you type. What’s that about?

Some of the surveys are fun, but most aren’t. I’d really rather Myspace didn’t resemble a visit to the DMV filling out paper work.

I try to comment on people’s pictures and stuff; please stop begging me to do that. I will most likely get around to yours. Folks, I know it’s hard to believe, but I only get so many bon mots a day.

You folks with the myspace editors, god where do I start? If you’re going to write stuff, could I please read it? If you put it against a non-contrasting background, well that’s just bad design.

With all it’s faults, it’s pretty cool. It’s anti social socialization. And that’s just a real special kind of special.

..

I don’t let my philosophy, or Weltanschauung interfere with my doing a project. Especially since I’m kind of an attention ho, coming from a broken home and all, as I do.
But, I will turn down a project if it directly delivers a message I don’t jive with. And even then, it has to be a message I feel diametrically opposed to.
For instance, I’m an atheist. There’s no ambiguity, or wishy washyness, or even a hint of agnosticism. And I have a disdain for organized religion. There’s a lot of fucked up stuff going on in this world that organized religion has a hand in.
But, neither my atheism, nor any of my philosophies define me. And I have a lot of religious friends. I’ve come aboard a lot of projects that had something to do with a religious thing.
I recently helped a friend who is a preacher set up a Podcast of his sermons, for instance.
But, I felt a little trepidation when a guy called me for an acting gig. I love treading the boards. I’ll jump in front of the glass at the drop of a hat.
He had seen me work before, and wanted me for the job. Cool…except…
Well, the job was for a post abortion counseling place…still possibly ok…a Catholic post abortion counseling place.
Still not a deal breaker. I’ve seen many commercials by religious entities that do a lot of great work, and downplay the religious aspect. They provide it if the client wants it, but don’t force it on the client. I can deal with that, and I consider those folks to be fighting the good fight.
I told the guy to send me the script, and I’d see.
I optimistically envisioned it as being along these lines:
VO: Hey, you just went through something huge. You feel confused, lost, alone, and you think you don’t have anyone to talk to…
Well, you can come here. We’re here to help…
You know something like that…to the point you almost wouldn’t know it was a religious institution.
I got the script and read it once and knew that I couldn’t do it.
Let me preface by saying that I am not saying that these people wouldn’t do good works, or help out, but I could not attach myself to the project.
I’d love to cite specific examples of the script, but it’s a production in the works, thus privileged info, so I won’t.
It just seemed really judgmental and bad and uber religious and silly and creepy and all these things in a horrible combination.
I turned it down also because have you seen those people in the addiction / recovery commercials? Not very quality acting. I thought I’d be soft-spoken spokes-dude, not regretful mess of a guy who’s shortie just had an abortion.
And, to add insult to injury, this would have been my 3rd role in a short while that had me as a druggy.
Later that night, I did have a flat tire, so I think it happened because I made baby jesus cry. Or maybe because I take crap care of my car.
But, look forward to me as young business guy in an upcoming commercial. It’s way less preachy, and I think I only take focus factor for a drug.

Check it out. I'm an iTunes affilliate now. By cliicking a link on my sites that take you to the itunes music store, you not only support your local band, but me as well. And it's not jsut if you buy the product I'm hawking, but any itunes purchase within 24 hours if you visit it by clicking one of my links

The dreaded monkey virus continues to spread apace. yep. That's me in the top left doing unthinkable things that only a virus-ridden mind could conceive.

So we all know this: If you’re a bad boy, you’re not going to buy the shirt that says ‘bad boy’ on it. Ditto: No fear, or Fear this, or whatever.

What’s with the dumb and obvious people saying that thinking or being smart is part of what they do?

I have never talked to a person I consider to be deep who introduced his or herself as being deep.

Or edgy. Hi I’m edgy. Huh?

And forget about crazy. Didn’t you read Catch 22? If you say you’re crazy, you’re not. You’re staid and boring, and predictable and part of a herd of crazy people. You Mr. man-with-all-the-piercings are part and parcel the same as the 60-cat owning woman who just made a ‘crazy quilt.’ In fact, I fear her more.

Why don’t you come right out and tell the folks in the cheap seats that you’re interesting? You know it doesn’t work that way? You don’t tell people you’re interesting you…wait for it…interest them.

The biggest offenders by far are the ‘thinkers’ and the like. And if you ever used the phrase ‘outside the box’ without a boatload of irony, just really give up.

I want to make very clear I’m not anti bad, crazy, or thinking. These are all good things. It’s just that if you do them—especially do them right, you never have to declare them or say it’s part of your vibe.

In fact, I do believe you may go all Sun Tzu and downplay your thinking, iconoclastic bad ass self.

That having been said, I’m a big, fluffy puppy who never crosses against the light.

It's New! It's Exciting! It's Fake!
Check it!

I did one half of the acting gig today. More to shoot. It went well. Really hot, and a heavy suit on, but other than that fun.
I’ll post the commercial on the site when it’s done.
In one part of the commercial, I kissed my wife on the way out the door to do business in the businessy type of way that businessmen do.
Now this is a paying gig, which is cool. KMK media group asked me to recruit an actress to be my wife. So, I asked a friend of mine, who incidentally was a 500 foot woman for me. She came off less tall in the scene, which is wild because she really is 500 foot tall. We had to do all kinds of things with forced perspective and stuff, and you notice I come down stairs. I’m actually about 40 yards in front of her, it’s really all complex, but we almost look like we’re the same size. We had to do some digital sweetening in post, and man the bill for constructing a 500 foot woman sized sound stage was pretty up there.
Seriously though, she’s a talented actress who’s even been in some NAT stuff.
Here’s the thing: since I recruited her, it’s like I paid her to kiss me. So like how bad does it have to be that I have to pay a girl to kiss me?
But since I wasn’t the one paying her, (I just recruited her) I actually got paid to kiss her! And that seems better. Less creepy, or more creepy. You decide.
I also realized that I only own one suit, and soon, so will Rockford realize this. It’s the same suit you may have seen before.

Hey, look. I think the lemmings are going over here

So I'm on myspace. And, I'm already amassing an online, virtual army of tall women to take over the world. They all said I was mad at the academy!

Don't worry, I may post to the blog there from time to time, but this page is still soul brother numah one for insight into my world.

If you're on Myspace, come be my special friend. Even if you're not a preternaturally tall woman. But especially if you are one.

That's right!
Go to the iTunes Music Store. Go to Podcasts and browse using "tim stotz". There I am in the directory.

or click here
you lazy, monks.

I know it bespeaks my geekiness, but I'm jazed. Jazzed I tell you.

Count the moments, kiddies. I imagine I’m jail-bound soon. For I have a terrible secret.
There is a horrendous, atavistic monkey man slithering through Rockford. He infects people with a virus that morphs them into sock monkeys. It’s not fatal, not painful, but downright inconvenient…and the smell, dear baby jesus, the smell. And all that feces flinging! You can have it!
This monkey-faced molester is not I. The reason I’m going to jail is I’m withholding his identity. You see, I’m the Jimmy Olson to his Superman. And he has trusted me with pictures. I didn’t really take the pictures (so the Jimmy Olson analogy falls short). No these pictures are of a high enough quality, one would have to figure they were taken by, I don’t know…say, an erstwhile museum curator. Just for instance.
Gaze on…or avert your eyes. Both valid lifestyle choices.


I think she’s in estrus. She seems to be presenting.


Like the flying monkeys in Wizard of Oz except confusingly attractive.


And one for the ladies.

I hope you’re not reading this. Not today at least. You should be out eating charred animal flesh, or a soy based simulacrum thereof if you’re morally opposed. Even though my hometown is getting bathed in a much-needed, gentle rain, no matter the weather, you should be watching the fireworks, and if you’re in a state where it’s legal, you should be lighting those puppies off yourself. Note to my fellow Illinoize folk: just step away from the sparklers and the little charcoal pellets that turn to snakes. You’re not impressing anyone.
But when you do get around to reading this, I’d like to give you my take on a recent Register Star article that Aaron Chambers wrote.
It was good.
Ok, Bye now. Thanks for reading.
Overly simplistic? You want more? Ughhhh. You needy, little monkeys!
My only regret is that Chambers utterly neglected my whole Podcasting / hummus connection. I tried to explain the underlying chickpea-based technology infrastructure, but you know… Other than that, bang up job.
Chambers took, a technology that’s bleeding edge new, nebulous in most people’s minds, and has many misconceptions. The first hurdle he had to overcome was the name. As ubiquitous as apple’s iPod is, some people don’t really know what one is yet. And many who do, knew enough about what an iPod is to make the false connection that Podcasting has more to do directly with the actual device than it truly does. For instance, many relatively tech savvy people think you can only listen to a Podcast on your iPod.
But—honest to goodness—after reading Chambers’ article, my friend asked his father in law if he knew what a Podcast was. He thought it had to do with whale pods. Honest mistake. And it only shows to go you, as cool and fun, and useful as Podcasting can become, it is something that you can live your day-to-day life without quite easily and happily.
As much as I like the idea of it, have fun doing it, and try to turn other people on to it, Podcasting is not the second coming. So that brings us to an important note about the article in the Star: In the first instance I’m quoted, I say, “…It’s all things.” I was speaking to the diversity of Podcasting and the ability of it to cover every subject matter, and that is was an unlimited medium. Looking back on that phrase I came off a little “sermon on the mount” or something. I didn’t mean to sound so, I don’t know, messianic or whatever.
I think that Podcasting will shake up the media industry; it will grow exponentially, and it will impact people’s lives muchly and goodly, but I’m not some zealot, wing-nut proselytizing about a new religion known as Podcasting. I don’t feel that strongly about it. It’s just this thing I do.
If I recall, in the interview, I probably equivocated and wishy-washed and watered down the “It’s all things” comment. But because the stuff I said after that was likely incoherent, it was pretty wise of Chambers not to include that, I recon.
That’s another thing. I don’t envy Chambers having to transcribe a conversation with me. If you have listened to the Podcast, you know what I mean.
“Ok, how do I punctuate that thing Stotz said? Should I use an em-dash within an em-dash? Should I italicize that? Should I put in brackets that he’s affecting a California burnout voice? How do I make it clear that he was being sarcastic? Was that the antecedent to that other word 15 subordinate clauses ago? Did he really just have a pop culture reference to Tor Johnson in juxtaposition to a Molliere quip that served as a joke about horticulture?”
Poor guy.
Keeping that in mind, let’s talk about the first thing I said. “It’s very democratic.”
As you can tell, the article was not solely about Podcasting, but more about the Republicans in Illinois releasing a Podcast.
It’s an equal time thing.
Of course by democratic I mean it in the “free and equal participation in stuff” way. Like our country itself is democratic. I didn’t mean that Podcasting is left wing, though it might be predominantly. Al Gore is on Apple’s board.
And that’s another thing. Friends who skimmed the article (as opposed to reading it for real) noticed: it looks like I may be endorsing the Republican Party, or that I’m affiliated with them. I’m not. Nothing against them, and I think it’s great that they are doing a Podcast, but I was called in as a technical pundit guy. I haven’t checked it out, but I imagine the Republican Party is quite interested in making it clear that I am not affiliated with them as well. And if you read the article (as opposed to skim) that’s not really an issue. And for the record, I consider myself neither Rep nor Dem.
The last little note on the article would be this: it mentions I’m working with local folkal to produce some Podcasts for them. And the talks have barely started. I have received a lot of interest, but no yeses yet. It’s premature to announce anything. And I told Chambers this. The timing is a little unfortunate for the article, but I told him I’d let him know, if he wanted, as soon as I knew anything. Then I apologized. And expressed my regret. I then offered to pick up his dry cleaning, and walk or brush any pets, clean out his gutters, and other stuff like that by way of apology.
So that makes the fact that I “declined to identify any of them” seem like I come off a little belligerent to me. It is 100% true. And 100% accurate. But it makes me sound like a meany-head. I get the image of me shaking my fist and growling, “Damn you Chambers! You’ll never get anything out of me!” Then I hold my hand over an open flame all the while not flinching, and after an indecipherable squawk from a walkie , I do a double flip and land in a car infinitely cooler than a beat up LeSabre…uh where am I? Anyway…
That’s not what he intended, but I just sound like a jerk. Yeah. Sound like. If anything, Chambers took my ramblings and turned them into more concise, more dramatic phrases. He should write all my dialogue. The whole “declined to comment” thing will generate more buzz and hype about what I’m working on, I’m sure.
After all that had been said, I liked the article. Chambers’ pen done good.
One other quick factoid that didn’t make the article:
Podcasting has been around longer than some think. I first heard about it in the PG Wodehouse novel, You’re Not as Charming as You Think When You’re Drunk, Jeeves!

Here's the rr star article. Am I a pundit? A Wag? A Wonk? You decide.