Invader Tim

Here is some video of me riding around on an electric scooter and doing an endearing dance as Santa, of Nazareth. You saw the stills; now see the magic of the movement.

Go to the VODcast Extrees Page. It is toward the top.

I have never been more proud. Thanks, Trace.

The holidays are approaching. I thought I’d repost these pics of me riding an electric scooter dressed as my favorite biblical character.




Yes, there is padding in the belly, wiseacre.

As I check the site stats of The Progrum, I know two things:

1. I am really glad that I got a free upgrade in bandwidth from Godaddy.

2. And Rockfordians are not the only chitlins who check out our little comedy show right on your own Internet. We have Canada, The UK, Germany, Switzerland Sweden, Japan, and other exotic lands the names of which escape me at the moment.

So here’s what I sez to myself, I sez, self, where are all these freaks coming from? Then I sort of shudder, and sit in a corner and rock back and forth.

Well, after I snap out of it, curiosity does that thing that curiosity normally does. And I found it fascinating instead of letting it give me the jibblies. So let’s rejoice the widespread, far flung ISPs of our viewers…

Now you can show us where you live. We got us an interactive map thingy. And we can put you on that map. Well, you can do it yourself. It will be cool (but no stalking).

Go here: The Progrum People Add yourself! It’s free!

I don’t get called a “technical genius” everyday. At best guess, probably a damn sight short of even bi-weekly. So imagine this scene: I’m sitting here, head like a bastard Thom-cat (That means hung over for those of you keeping score at home), and feeling not so smart, but then I get the RR Star Article that reviews New American Theater’s Production of Alice in Wonderland.
Ok, technicalities. It says, “The technical genius provided by Engine Studio adds a dimension that complements and enhances the live-action amazingly well.” It does not say “Tim’s a technical genius,” but it doesn’t say I sniff glue either, so don’t sue me for paraphrasing.
It was a fun, and challenging project. I spent the night at Engine one evening, and I grabbed “render naps” as we brought the project in on the homeward stretch. I am really grateful that Tony Vezner, the director gave us the opportunity to do the video stuff.
I can’t wait to see the show. I’ve seen parts—just during the rehearsal—but soon, I’ll see the rest. From what I’ve seen so far, the actors really seem to love the material and it shows.
Go see the show, and tell ‘em Tim says HI. But not during the performance. That pisses the actors off.
By the way, Victor R. Yehling, the guy who wrote the review…that name sounds familiar. Oh yeah! His son was in the Two!
One more funny (possibly spoilery) tidbit: of the special effects we did, making her turn into a giant was not one of them. They just feed the lead actress lots of genetically altered vegetables, and hormone-laden beef. Them actor types should get a better union and junk.

On Friday, December the Second I turn 33. And there will be fun, and mirth, and stuff like that. I address that down at the bottom in bold. You can skip the next bit and get straight to that if you like. I won’t be the least bit put out.

I guess this is the part where I should turn maudlin and reflective, but mainly, I’m just stating it as fact. More fun (and also reflective if not maudlin) facts:

I still feel young. I still feel pretty healthy most of the time. I still get acne too.

I’m not as accomplished in many respects as others my age, but often these very accomplished folk in my peer group seem direly unhappy. I’m not. I’m the opposite of unhappy, what would that be? Oh yeah. Happy. I’m not saying universally. There’s pain there, honest and true. I’m at the point where I guess I’ve let it temper me, but not let it affect me too overtly on a day to day basis. Good plan. Sometimes I overload and it fails. But still a good general way to live. And you don’t want to hear me whine…especially when you’re dealing with your own stuff.

By different benchmarks I am more successful than I deserve. Tons of friends, creative outlets all over the place, my job—though it does not pay me scads of filthy lucre just yet—satisfies me almost rapturously so. And though I have not made that bizarre transition where I cease being a person and become vaguely 50% of a couple, I do date.

Some folk think it weird (or to use the archaic term, “Queer”) that I’m still single at this age. I’m not in a relationshippy mood. I love dating and all that. I love women in general (they confuse the shit out of me, but this is only fair; I confuse them too). I just don’t want to “nest” right now. I may never.

You see these folks mercilessly strangled by their little status quo lives and want so desperately to drag everyone else in. The, living embodiment of misery loving company…well these folks say sagaciously when a feller is in his early 20s something to the affect of, “Yessireebob! One day you’ll meet the right girl and settle down. You’ll have kids and…have a boat and make yard work your life.” The prophetic certainty that unctuously slides out there mouth holes is impressive.

Then they complain about how their life sucks and they hate their spouses and do nothing but argue and never have sex, and walk on eggshells constantly…Now that I’m in my 30s, I get that speech less.

I’m still not discounting the possibility of me settling down. But that word sucks. Settle. Why settle for anything? I’ll have to find one exquisite woman (who will put up with me).

It also would be unfair to a partner with my work being like it is. “Hey, honey, I’m going to have to go do this intense video thingy and I’ll be out of contact for a few weeks…read my blog though!” That would not be a cool thing to do to one you love.

But, it’s all good. Damn, it’s crazy how good it is sometimes.

It’s also sometimes…often…quite silly.



So I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do, but I know this: it will involve a bit of the drinky-drink, and will start at Octane. If my friend Kevin has his way, it will end in a Strip joint. (Ladies are welcome to come too…every time we do one of these birthday things for somebody, as many women as men go along.)

Don’t know exactly when. But probably a little early. I have mad stamina. If you want, join. Many of you already have my cell, if not, ask for it in an email.

Bye, ribmeat.

Welcome to the magic, wonder, and awkwardness that is Ep007. The Progrum? That stuff rots your brain!

Meet local Game and Media Company Aegis Studios, or more likely watch as they abduct my damn show (bastards).

And, I gotta tell you the little pallet cleanser that we did on the end of this one…it is special. It will warm the cockles of your hearts. And weren’t you just saying the other day how them things could use warming? You’re welcome.

See you at Kryptonite on Saturday! NO. I said I’ll see you on Saturday. No "Nos" for answers, bub.

By Saturday the Turkey or Tofurkey tryptophan hangover should have worn off (by the way, that’s an urban legend.) So, you should be ready to rock and/or roll with The Saps that Saturday (the 26th) at Kryptonite. And we’re going to be recording the show for The Progrum. We might even have some other hijinx going on.
3-piston ass hammer will be there as well. I’ve never seen a 3-piston ass hammer, but I expect it must be magnificent.

Quick Note: this awesome individual owns Kryptonite:

I was poking through the new Google video thing and came upon this. How was this ever a good idea to anybody?

Thar She Blows!

Remind anyone of The Hitchhiker’s Guide?

So, some of you are awed at the bureaucratic stupidity; some of you more environmental / vegetarian types are probably a little unsure what to think (it wasn’t alive when they blowed it up real good); some are probably grossed out by it (I hope almost all of you are, though I will say it’s not that graphic), and some just laugh and think, we need exploding stuff on The Progrum.

Maybe you would find ravenous lizards eating pork chops off the heads of winsome Japanese women a little more your style.

Either way, have a good day, and look for a new episode on Friday. Note: just because you look for it, doesn’t mean that it will be there, but probably.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate that type of thing.

Hello, muhnkeys.
Last night was the art opening at Kortman Gallery. I know many of the regulars, and have haunted many an opening there, but this was the first one I was invited to show at. That gave me a happy.
The group show, as I mentioned before, is entitled “onewidefivehigh” and deals with proportion as opposed to style or content in any way. If you didn’t make the opening you can catch until jan. 7, 2005
In addition to my pitcher, you had your Jim Julins, your Scott Longs, Johnny Magnificos, your Vals, your MacCaulleys of various flavors, and many others. All the pieces were cool, and diverse as all get out as one could expect when the subject matter is so wide open and not fenced in by a theme. Worthy of note: The Progrum’s own Paul Harvey Oswald had a piece that was a surround sound sort of deal attached to a “halo” type of affair. Get it? 5.1 Surround sound. And this time, in a way much befitting a hip hop act, this piece was by PHO featuring Kevin Cronin. What’s the guy from REO Speedwagon doing with PHO? Or was it Kansas, or Like Rush? Anybody care? It was not about former rock gods, it was about breaking the mold, as PHO often does.
But the hit of the night was Dennis—and not just because he knows how to pour, but he’s a one man Algonquin Round Table. Witty feller.
There was a god crowd of folks who showed up at the opening, and among them, a guy whom I owe much: Jerry Franklin. He’s the guy who approached me about showing my rockford: Small City at the Unitarian Church. Cool Guy.
After that, BO and I walked over to Octane. I was pretty drunk, and Octane is never a cure for this…more of a catalyst.
Then Jenny abducted me (she can physically pick me up; kinda cool huh?) and took me to CJ’s where we saw Midwestern Death. I’ve seen a fair percentage of the few shows they have put on. They’re pretty new. They were good, but they are tighter every show…and now with 83% more pedal steel guitar! Because they are evolving, it’s like going along with them for the journey—like watching Opie grow up on TV.
I couldn’t stick around for The Braves. I had an elsewheres to be. Kind of a private rendezvous. Too bad. They are good too; they seem to be paired with the Death often, and also with one of my favorite bands, The Saps so I imagine I will see them soon enough.
I must offer apology to two guys I met who were fans of The Progrum. In the midst of pitching me ideas (largely about poopy and pee-pee) I accidentally knocked a beer over. Sorry, guys. By then I was muy uncoordinated…we’ve all been there right? I’ll get you a pitcher if you remind me when I see you (and if I’m not fucking broke). I mean pitcher for real this time, not as in “picture” like I did above. Just thought I’d clarify.

So you were tense, right? Pacing a little bit? Listless? Things just didn’t make sense? Something—maybehaps someone—was missing from your life. It’s not, like, actual loved ones…because you’re attractive. Damned attractive and people love the shit out of you. You know it’s not baby jesus, ‘cause that’s just silly. (By that I mean two things potentially: if you are not a believer, it is silly because you don’t believe in that sort of thing; if you DO believe it’s silly because you already have him in your life. Pick the least offensive one to you.)

So what the fook could it be?

It’s Progrum time! That’s right, like clock work, 8 days after the blockbuster that was episode 5, we give you episode 7…no wait; let’s do 6 first! That’s it!

Yes, she’s up, and a lot less like episode 5 than episode 5. You know what I mean (wackkka wackkka chuckkka bowmp bowmp) That’s not to say you should watch it at work necessarily. I mean, hell, have some pride Internet community! Work at work, you ergophobia-stricken freakoids. It’s called a WORK ethic! (Ok, I was totally just kidding, slack away)

In this episode we got another dose of media manipulator Paul Harvey Oswald, and my good buddy (or at least guy who isn’t utterly ashamed he knows me) Pablo Korona offers up a piece on Midway Airport.

And let me say, the things we have on the horizons! Well, we don’t have anything on the horizon. I tried to get co-producer, SSG to go put something on the horizon, but apparently it keeps receding. Sounds like a cop-out to me (WORK ethic!). By the by, if any of you see him, tell him it’s cool. He can come back now. Cause we have to shoot more eps. You guys are downloading us tons. THANK YOU! Tell Friends! Buy forthcoming Shirts! And we will still dance like monkeys! (More than you know! Is that Foreshadowing?)

We have music in the works, more behind the scenes stuff with the giant lady model types, more skits, more surprises, and yes, for you gentle viewers, maybe even some more fuckin’!

--Tim

Here’s something crazy about the VODcast, if you smell your computer while you’re watching it…wait! This is not about the VODcast (for once). You know that, whole video comedy thing I do right on your own Internet? Nothing to do with it. (But sorry about all the fuckin’ in episode 5—it’s the Internet after all. What you going to do? Does this seem a bit long to any body else for a parenthetical?) Nope.

Yes, you cyber dorks, it’s time to—for a limited time only—get out of your dingy computer room and go see Art. Incidentally that is the name of this horse head that my grampa carved with a chain saw. Think I’m kidding? Check it:

But no. This is not an invitation to view that Art. He is hanging in my bedroom. And invitations to that particular gallery are…well we can make arrangements for a private viewing. I think it shows remarkable, Zen like discipline that I don’t unleash a single entendre on you after that.

No, I got stuff in new places and that’s a cool thing for an artist. (Aw, isn’t that cute. Tim called himself an artist.)
The first: in what is far less ironic than you might think of a venue, I must point you to The Unitarian Universalist Church of Rockford . My giant women are there now, and will be up for a while. Special thanks to Jerry Franklin on giving me the opportunity to display there. And for those of you who missed the opportunity to see the “rockford: Small City” show, this is your chance. The work will be there for the rest of the month. Go there during normal business hours, or one of their special events. I think they do a whole thing on Sunday too. It’s at 4848 Turner St right here in Rockford.

The second: this Friday there is a gallery opening at Kortman Galleries in downtown Rockford, right there on the Main Mall by State St. I think it starts 5:30 ish, and goes to 9pm ish. It is a group show (it can’t always be about me). The theme isn’t so much a theme as a size. And it’s not so much size as aspect ratio. Five High, One Wide. And my piece is a …I’m not telling. Go see it! And here’s a hint, it’s not of a giant woman. I don’t know how long the show will go, but you should get yer ass there on opening night, Friday the 18th.

And side note: engine and I did some cool stuff for the local NAT production of Alice in Wonderland. Hmmm, I don’t know if you remember the story, but I can’t get away from the giant womens. Note: not complaining.

Bye, ribmeat.

Did I mention, not work place friendly? Thought so.
Go: timstotz.com/vodcast

We’re stuffing some cyber ballot boxes, Chitlins.

There are many, many directories of Pod and VODcasts. I’d like your help in spreading the word of The Progrum by voting for us, or commenting or giving us a rating. Here are some links where you can find The Progrum:

http://podcastpickle.com/casts/?3699

http://podcasts.yahoo.com/search?p=tim+stotz&c=b&find=Search

http://vlogdir.com/permalink/964

http://www.podcastdirectory.com/podcasts/index.php?iid=4966

http://www.digitalpodcast.com/detail-Tim_Stotz_s_VODcast_Progrum-3311.html?id=1898

http://podcastalley.com/podcast_details.php?pod_id=11167

It will take moments of your time, and you can add to the cult phenom. that is The Progrum. You might have to look around a bit for the voting or commenting boxes, but I know you got it in you.

Thanks, and we’ll have a new Ep up for you shortly.

Ok, it’s not always about The Progrum. Sometimes it’s about Rockford expatriate, Brian H’s Podcast, Objectibus.

It’s a mish mash of tech stuff, reviews, vegetarian cooking, environmentalism, and most importantly, he brings the funny to the table on a regular basis. For his second episode, he strapped a mic to his scrawny, vegetarian chest and recorded his quitting his job. There was the Able Lincoln-style Podcast he did by candlelight as he sat in the post-Wilma blackout. And recently, he outed me for being post-op. (I just looked down there, and everything is still in tact. Brian’s such a with it guy, I assumed he was most likely correct, but he may have been, as the kids say, “kidding.”)
So the dude doesn’t like meat, or Macs. He’s still basically decent. You know. Tolerable really. I’d bail him out of jail, I guess.
This show is an unlikely combination of stuff, I grant. That’s what makes the fact that it works all the cooler. Listen once, and you will be hooked on the Meth that is the Brian.

You can go to his site directly by clicking here!

Or hit up his RSS feed here: feed://www.objectibus.com/objectibusRSS.xml
(for those of you haven’t figured out by now, this is how you subscribe to stuff in iTunes and other aggregators.)

One more favor for me: the boy’s just getting started. As with most of us casual content providers (yep that’s what they are calling us Pod and VOD casting folk), Brian works for applause. Leave him a comment. Tell him, Tim says Hi. And that if he would have gotten a Mac, his firewire port on his laptop would have been in the right place. And, maybe set the record straight and tell his other listeners that I’m not a post op tranny. Or, most importantly, tell him you dig his shit.

Thanks. Rock. Paper. Scissors.

Have you seen episode 4 of the VODcast yet? Well, the intro has me walking around and REALLY good things happen to me. It’s a total exaggeration, and an absurd view of a charmed life. Well, the script I wrote was a little long (No, Really), so we cut some. Here’s one of the lines that got cut. It got cut because it wasn’t funny.
Person 3
Whoo, that last bit was Comedy gold. I’m with godaddy.com, the folks who host your site, and we want to give you free server space and bandwidth, just because you’re cool as fuck, and deserve it.

Well, I just got this email from godaddy.com:

Dear Tim Stotz,

Looking for a little bit more out of your hosting plan? How does this sound? 900% MORE Disk Space! 900% MORE Bandwidth! 900% MORE Databases! 400% Email Accounts! And ALL for the same low price!
• Increased Disk Space from 500 MB to 5,000 MB
• Increased Bandwidth from 25 GB to 250 GB
• Increased Email Accounts from 100 to 500
• Increased your Database MySQL from 1 to 10

The coolness of this is right up there with sliced, lo-carb bread. The only bad thing about you monkies tuning in every week or so is that if you go over my badwidth allotment, I’m hosed. No more Progrum for that month. But now…well, we’d have to be a lot more popular than we are to make that happen.

We also cut a line where a woman showed me her tits…because we couldn’t find a woman to show me he tits…on camera anyway. Any Volunteers for that?